vangirl: (Van: Cock)
undead vampiric blue spacegoat. in plate. ([personal profile] vangirl) wrote2011-09-07 07:28 pm

I am Van's terrible choice in porn.

This started as me being silly with the creative use of custom emotes on Plurk and then it got a bit out of hand.

THE RIDICULOUS HENTAI LINES CHALLENGE


1. Pick a character/pairing and a line to go with them and comment with your choices.
2. Either myself or some other brave soul will snag your prompt and do something creative with it.
3. ???
4. FANDOM PORN SILLINESS WILL DOUBLE OVERNIGHT IF STEP 3 IS FOLLOWED PERFECTLY.




If you have trouble reading it (or imgur decides this violates one of their many policies that I did not actually read), the lines are transcribed below with all the spelling and grammar mistakes intact:

"IMPREGNATE MY ASS!"
"Now my armpits are going to smell like dick..."
"DAMN! MEN HAVE DIFFERENT GENITALS THAN WOMEN!"
"YOU'RE IMPREGNATING ME WHILE I'M TAKING A DUMP!!"
"Sandwich fuck feels so good..."
"If I give birth, the baby will grow up and loose it's virginity before you do~ ♥"
"Use your dick and make 'cheese fondue' in my pussy ♥"
"I AM SHITTING AND SUCKING AWAY AT MY SMEGMA AND CUMMING AT THE SAME TIME!!"
"DAMN! My sister sure has a nice shit box on her"
"DO IT! DO IT! POUR YOUR CUM ALL OVER MY UNBORN FETUS!"
"My throat-pussy is being raped by this filthy penis!"
"You must be a real pervert to be able to cum while having my arm twisting around inside your ass."
"I'M BEING FUCKED BY MY OWN COCK!"
"Wow...Only a truly great pussy allows a premature ejaculator to hold out and extend the feeling of ecstasy."
"The truth is, most boys are horrified when the girl they like suddenly grows a cock."
"But after having 4 arms shover up my ass, there's no way I can stand having anything smaller in there now.
"SO MUCH VOMIT-CUM IS COMING OUT OF SEMPAI'S MOUTH PUSSY! ♥"
"OGHHHH!!"
"So you crossdress and ejaculate prematurely...That's beyond sad."
"You won't be able to rape me after cumming in my mouth"
"CONTROL THIS 'GLOBAL WARMING' IN MY PUSSY!"
"Now that I actually came in my little brother's face, all my fears seem to have vanished"
"WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD FROST A CAKE WITH THEIR BUTT"
"Maybe it's because I have sucked on nothing but cocks for the last few days..."
"WHY IS THAT GIRAFFE POUNDING INTO MY ANUS SO FIERCELY?!"
"OOOHH ♥ IT'S KNOCKING ON THE DOOR TO MY BABY FACTORY ♥"
"It's so big and thick! The dick of a married woman!"
"MY PUSSY FEELS SO GOOD! IT FEELS SO GOOD TO SHOVE SHIT INTO MY PUSSY!"
"I'LL CUM TOO MUCH AND DIE!"
"HHMNG...! OOH! HERE IT COMES! YES! GIVE MY NOSE AN ENEMA WITH YOUR CUM!"
"It makes me sick to think I was fucking a woman who was having sex with an alligator."
"And your excrement will become my sustenance."
"Meeting and talking to men while naked increases your chances to score!"
"I wish I could have had sex with Mom like you did, Sis"
"Humans can make cows pregnant?!"
"I'M FLOATING ON COCKS!"
"It felt like I came my entire insides out my dick..."
"♥ PLEASE DON'T WATCH ME CUM WHILE I SPRAY PEE OUT OF MY ASS! ♥"
"He's like the ferryman of the River Styx pulling men into sin by their dicks!!"
"I'M BECOMING A TOTAL SLAVE TO THICK, LONG AND HARD MEGACOCKS!"
"Huh, your not only quick at fighting is also like that of a kid's!" *
"THESE ARE SAVAGE, UNTAMED DICKS"
"But... It's a sin to have tits this huge for a girl your age!"
"This is a bit of a pickle, though. What does it say about a grade school teacher if she doesn't want to fuck her students....?"
"T-this could be the biggest turd in all of Japan - no, the world..."
"Teach us how to use dicks."
"Terrorist actions against my ass are not acceptable!"
"There's nothing better than Cafe au Semen I tell you!"
"To have the person I love also be a hermaphrodite...It's enough to make me want to thank God with a blowjob...!"
"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FUCK YOUR ASS!!
"Ooh? She's already wet, even though she's a virgin!"
"QUIT HAVING FUN SQUEEZING A GUY'S BREAST."
"A DICK WITH PHIMOSIS IS THE BEST ♥"
"Come on, confess. You wanted me to assault you, didn't you"
"They say it's dangerous to swallow the cum of foreigners"
"AH AH AH! I AM THE LONELY RAPIST!"

* I can't actually read it but it is SOMETHING LIKE THAT? MAYBE?

Have fun, y'all!

edit: and before people struggle too hard, you don't need to have the exact quote. just something 'close enough' will do.
tg: (guy> loves women.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Anyone/Anyone/Guy, "QUIT HAVING FUN SQUEEZING A GUY'S BREAST."
As long as there is a threesome of some sort involved, I will be sated. :|b
solerika: (Asch - TROOOOOLL IN THE DUNGEON!!)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Just woke up but I have to say refreshing my flist to see this is the best thing ever, omg. feel free to delete this useless comment
tg: (flynn> dere dere white knight.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
All things considered, there should be some kind of replica shenanigans going on here. Replica/Original of your choice? So... Luke/Asch, Sync/O!Ion? Flynn/Guy, COUGH COUGH. OR SOMETHING HAVE FUN. "I'M BEING FUCKED BY MY OWN COCK!"
cypher: (asch takes the spoils)

[personal profile] cypher 2011-09-08 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
+1 omg
hara: (How I feel about tea)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Hot. I approve Flynn/Guy okay. That counts at replicacest.
cypher: (on my way to an adventure)

[personal profile] cypher 2011-09-08 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
...I have a feeling this is less porn and more "the worst birds-and-bees talk ever," but there you go:

Karol, "Humans can make cows pregnant?!"
hara: (Almasy laughs)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
That was. That was so beautiful.
cypher: (:D)

Re: I need a Vesperia icon at some point

[personal profile] cypher 2011-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
WIN AND AWESOME.
solerika: (Asch - TROOOOOLL IN THE DUNGEON!!)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
Best fic ever. Ever.
hara: (Default)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Tear/Luke, "WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD FROST A CAKE WITH THEIR BUTT"
solerika: (Luke x Asch - SUCKFACE)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Asch/Luke OR Luke/Asch, "Come on, confess. You wanted me to assault you, didn't you"
Bonus points for half the pair being genderswapped. :'D
prontempura: (Default)

[personal profile] prontempura 2011-09-08 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
Van/Anyone????, "WHY IS THAT GIRAFFE POUNDING INTO MY ANUS SO FIERCELY?!"
tg: (dave&terezi> cockblock your eye licking.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
GC: 4ND YOUR 3XCR3M3NT W1LL B3COM3 MY SUST3N4NC3
TG: what
TG: fuck no

GC: H3H3H3H3H3
hara: (Biceps)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 03:33 am (UTC)(link)
Van/Guy, Optional: Anyone third, Bonus round if it's Dist. "I'M FLOATING ON COCKS!"
solerika: (Asch - TROOOOOLL IN THE DUNGEON!!)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Natalia/Asch, "The truth is, most boys are horrified when the girl they like suddenly grows a cock."
tg: (tavros> double what.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Genderswapped!Tear/Luke, with educational Guy + Luke talk involving, "The truth is, most boys are horrified when the girl they like suddenly grows a cock."
Bonus if Luke responds with: "To have the person I love also be a hermaphrodite...It's enough to make me want to thank God with a blowjob...!"
solerika: (Obsidian - 100% CRAZY)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 03:40 am (UTC)(link)
Jade being the target of: "Teach us how to use dicks."
tg: (john&dave> best bros.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
TG: meeting and talking to men while naked increases your chances to score
EB: but dave
EB: i am not a homosexual!

TG: same difference
jack_of_none: ([Earthbound] Boy Genius)

[personal profile] jack_of_none 2011-09-09 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
I am only passingly familiar with this fandom, but I lol'd FOREVER.
windychimes: Anise (Anise // Dohoho~)

[personal profile] windychimes 2011-09-08 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
Anyone/Anise, "Now my armpits are going to smell like dick..."
solerika: (Luke x Asch - SUCKFACE)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
Asch/LH!Luke OR vice versa, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FUCK YOUR ASS!!
hara: (Default)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
Rita(or Nan)/Karol "So you crossdress and ejaculate prematurely...That's beyond sad."
tg: (flynn> dere dere white knight.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
LOL THIS
tg: (john> phooey kissy face.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:50 am (UTC)(link)
Nephry/Peony. "It's so big and thick! The dick of a married woman!"
tg: (karkat> gog dammit.)

[personal profile] tg 2011-09-08 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
Karkat, like on a Nature documentary.

CG: THESE ARE SAVAGE UNTAMED DICKS BONE BULGES

Bonus if this is followed up with:

TC: No MaN tHeYrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClEs
Edited 2011-09-08 03:58 (UTC)
hara: (FULLMETAL ABYSS)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
Sync/Guy "You must be a real pervert to be able to cum while having my arm twisting around inside your ass."
hara: (Almasy laughs)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 04:02 am (UTC)(link)
Van "AH AH AH! I AM THE LONELY RAPIST!" also "DAMN! My sister sure has a nice shit box on her"
lynndyre: Fennec fox smile (jade)

[personal profile] lynndyre 2011-09-08 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
I can't help hearing the lonely rapist line in the voice of the Count from Sesame Street, so I wind up with:

"I am Master Badtouch! I like to rape things! ONE redheaded fucktoy! TWO redheaded fucktoys! AH AH AH...."
hara: (How I feel about tea)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 04:57 am (UTC)(link)
I actually heard the AH AH AH in the Count's laugh as well.
mitsuhachi: (Default)

[personal profile] mitsuhachi 2011-09-09 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
I don't even really know this fandom--just comments on other people's journals and such--but you just made me SHRIEK with laughter. It totally made my night. <3
lynndyre: Meracle (Meracle grin)

[personal profile] lynndyre 2011-09-09 07:40 am (UTC)(link)
^______^ Very pleased to amuse. ♥
solerika: (Luke - Eh...)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
Anise/Tear, "But... It's a sin to have tits this huge for a girl your age!"
solerika: (Now Loading)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
Lorelei/anyone, "I'LL CUM TOO MUCH AND DIE!"
joshuaorrizonte: (Default)

[personal profile] joshuaorrizonte 2011-09-08 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
Mia/Bratworth; "But... It's a sin to have tits this huge for a girl your age!"
hara: (Gundamphile)

[personal profile] hara 2011-09-08 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
Ali Al Saachez/Neil Dylandy "Terrorist actions against my ass are not acceptable!"
solerika: (Wobbuffet!!)

[personal profile] solerika 2011-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
anyone/Jade, "Terrorist actions against my ass are not acceptable!"
windychimes: Nebelim (Default)

[personal profile] windychimes 2011-09-08 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
Luke/Tear, "♥ PLEASE DON'T WATCH ME CUM WHILE I SPRAY PEE OUT OF MY ASS! ♥"
lynndyre: Crowe and Arumat (Crowe and Arumat)

[personal profile] lynndyre 2011-09-08 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
Crowe/Arumat - "They say it's dangerous to swallow the cum of foreigners aliens"
jack_of_none: (lol)

[personal profile] jack_of_none 2011-09-08 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
This is the best thing ever oh god.

WoW, anything with orcs (or night elves), THESE ARE SAVAGE, UNTAMED DICKS

I hope somebody reading this plays Team Fortress 2, because if "Sandwich fuck feels so good!" doesn't make it into a Heavy/Medic fic I will cry real tears.





is it bad that I think I recognize some of these? it is, isn't it.
threewalls: threewalls (Default)

[personal profile] threewalls 2011-09-08 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Judith (Vesperia)/any. "Come on, confess. You wanted me to assault you, didn't you"

[personal profile] ventuno 2011-09-16 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
(not actually part of this but the one that you couldn't read said "Heh, you're not only quick at fighting, but your dick is also like that of a kid's.")